Often termed as relationship addiction, codependency is typically associated with non-platonic relationships. However, this isn’t always the case. Effects of codependency can also extend beyond romantic partners and have an impact on other relations of the dependent, such as the one they have with their children.
The dynamic between codependent parents and children is complicated. In such relationships, the boundaries between care and codependence are sometimes blurred beyond recognition. As a result, children of such parents grow up with unresolved issues and are at a high risk of developing codependent traits in adulthood.
In order to break the cycle, parents need to be aware of behavioral patterns stemming from codependence and their consequences on children.
Here are some tell-tale signs.
Carrying a victim mentality
As codependency often occurs as a response to trauma, codependent individuals tend to carry a victim mentality.
As a codependent parent, you might find yourself narrowing down the reasons of your despair to your child. People with codependency issues latch on to their children to compensate for the hardships they had to endure in their life. For example, a codependent mother might pressurize her daughter to pursue a particular profession she couldn’t excel in.
Struggle to admit mistakes
Failure to accept mistakes is yet another prominent sign of codependency in parents. As codependents are afraid of coming off as weak if proven wrong, they struggle to own up to their flaws and might refuse to listen to the other person’s point of view entirely. Any attempt by the child to establish an open discussion can also be viewed as a threat to their authority.
Excessive emotions
To be human is to have emotions and feelings. However, an excessive display of strong emotions is never healthy. In order to have an upper hand in the relationship, codependent parents may resort to crying and yelling during arguments with children. These emotional outbursts are often driven by the fear of losing authority in front of children.
Frequent mood swings
Codependent parents often go through drastic mood swings. You might find yourself feeling furious at one moment, and extremely calm the next. Through these mood changes, codependents intimidate others into doing what they want.
For example, a codependent parent might get into a heated argument with their child for not staying in touch. Once the child agrees on calling often, the parent may change their tone completely and ask them to not to call, in an attempt to absolve guilt.
Desire to control
Codependents generally grow up in households with a strong power imbalance. Consequently, they struggle with the concept of control. A codependent parent may rely on their children for love and devotion to an unhealthy extent and may also develop unrealistic expectations of how their children should treat them. If they ever feel like the controls are shifting to the other party, they are likely to make every possible effort to get back into the driver’s seat.
Unintentional Manipulation
Parents want what’s best for their children. However, in order to achieve that, many codependent parents unknowingly practice subtle manipulation techniques on their children. During this unintentional manipulation, parents with codependence genuinely believe that their actions are in the best interests of children. When confronted, a codependent parent may try to mask and justify the manipulative actions.
How hypnosis can help you
Codependence can have long term consequences on the mental and emotional well-being of a person and their loved ones. If you identify with any of the signs of codependency mentioned above, seek hypnosis-based treatments, which can help you assess your emotions.
Rekha Shrivastava, M.S., CH, CRC, CASAC, is a professional hypnotist and rehabilitation counselor at Blossom Hypnosis, who helps codependents in enhancing their self-esteem and finding an effective strategy to prevent loss of self through hypnosis. In addition to providing hypnosis services in Rochester, NY, she also holds online sessions for global clients.
Book a free consultation today!
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