Deciding whether you may be in a codependent relationship can be tricky. The signs are often quite subtle, not fully surfacing for several years. In fact, a codependent relationship often mimics a healthy one, which is what makes it so difficult to identify in the first place.
Here are a few things to watch out for to know whether or not you’re in a codependent relationship.
Neglected Needs
If your relationship constantly revolves around your partner’s needs and preferences, then it’s a sign of a codependent relationship. This may be done at a subtle level or be extremely obvious, either way, your feelings are repeatedly sidelined in preference of your partner’s.
This isn’t always easy to pick up on your own. You may have difficulty in exactly pinpointing what’s wrong, being unable to voice out your feelings. Similarly, you may categorically deny these claims when somebody else brings it up, refusing to acknowledge the painful truth.
Moreover, if your partner’s mood affects your day (for better or for worse), then that’s another indication of codependency. It shows that your partner’s feelings take precedence over your own, invalidating your emotions and needs.
Idealizing Your Partner
Another sign of being in a codependent relationship is idealizing your partner by overlooking their flaws and turning a blind eye to any and all of their shortcomings. This tends to happen when you place your significant other on a pedestal, unintentionally giving them a free pass for whatever they do.
As a result, you end up making excuses for them when they mess up or neglect important tasks, both to others and to yourself. For instance, you may justify their forgetfulness in paying taxes on time by telling yourself that “they were overworked” or “it won’t happen again”, while deep down you know those are excuses.
Enabling Behavior
In relationships where one of the partners is an alcoholic or addicted to a particular substance or activity, codependency tends to build up. The person’s addiction takes a toll on both the partners, encouraging enabling behavior.
An example of an enabler is a wife who puts up her husband’s alcoholic behavior and continues to provide unconditional support, despite him being abusive, neglectful, and toxic. The wife becomes the enabler, feeling the need to help or support her husband’s behavior out of fear or guilt. She may accept false justifications, broken agreements, and bogus explanations because of this, unintentionally fueling the toxic behavior.
In her need to give, she enables her husband to continue with his ways. Since these actions foster his dependency on her instead of bringing about growth, there’s an imbalance in the relationship and it’s described as a codependent partnership.
Rekha Shrivastava, M.S., CH, CRC, CASAC, at Blossom Hypnosis provides hypnosis for individuals struggling with codependency and boundaries. Through effective self-esteem enhancement strategies, clients are able to get more in touch with their feelings and overcome the fear of expressing their emotions.
Book a free consultation today at our clinic in Pittsford or via Skype!
Sources:
https://psychcentral.com/blog/10-warning-signs-youre-in-a-codependent-relationship/
https://www.nbcnews.com/better/health/what-codependency-signs-codependent-relationship-ncna940666
https://www.psychologytoday.com/us/blog/anxiety-zen/201609/6-signs-codependent-relationship
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